Next week, Republicans will charge non-smokers twice as much for avoiding the cigarette tax.

I say this because the Republicans in the House of Representatives ram-rodded their Trump-named “Big, Beautiful Bill” to the Senate. Among the hundreds of horseshit plans in the bill – which include extended and increased tax breaks for the wealthy, the gutting of safety net programs, etc. – is the plan to gut government and individual incentives for electric, hybrid and PHEV vehicles.

In other words, according to Car and Driver magazine, not only would the public lose those incentives to purchase electric and hybrid cars – they would also get assessed yearly registration fees of $100 for electric and $250 for hybrid vehicles, to essentially make up for what those drivers don’t spend in fuel taxes.

In other words … these quasi-elected shitbrains are coming after those of us who don’t want to tether ourselves to Big Oil. Which means that these yonks are coming after my car.

And if you’re coming after Lightning’s Girl … you and I will have a little come to Jesus meeting.

My 2017 Chevrolet Volt Premier is the best of both worlds. It runs on electricity for up to 50 miles; and I can get nearly 350 miles on a gas tank that barely surpasses eight gallons. Sure, I have to use 93 octane fuel because of the pressurized tank, but if I’m filling my car for $25 and other people are dumping $100 into their guzzler trucks and bitching about it … not my worry.

But what this is, as far as I’m concerned, is extortion. These people want money from taxpayers. And then they want MORE money from taxpayers. They want surcharges and hidden fees and “because I say so” stipends. And I’m sick of it.

I mean … I’m waiting for the day when I have to take a CDTA bus somewhere and I find out the fare has increased to $4.75 because I’m being charged a “you’re not driving and we are” fee. Or if I walk down the street and I get billed $20 for a “shoe tread wear down” fee that would have gone to the gas tax.

Ugh. At this point, we’re only a few minutes away from Trump charging us to breathe air and to shit in a toilet.

And I bet you … just hear me out … the Republicans will provide a carveout for those hideous Teslas so that THEY don’t have to pay surcharges and registration fees. I mean, we wouldn’t want to offend shadow president Elon Musk, would we? Because nothing says “own the libs” while spending $110,000 on a CyberTruck that just screams “I’m a MAGA Incel” to everyone on the highway.

Yeah. Just deport me to Australia already.